ianandphilipMon 03/10/11 09:16 |
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It was supposed to be a busy but fun day doing the final set building for the local Am-Dram group we belong to, followed by a Tech rehearsal, then full dress rehearsal.
I got there on the dot at 10am, as aranged. Others drifted in.
The painting people arrived without paint. Someone disappeared off to buy some.
There were some black curtains to hang. The curtain people could not find them. And so went off and bought new. So were gone for 2 hours, then spent 2 hours making them up. They were in the suitcase marked "black curtains" we discovered when the stage manager turned up at 5pm .
Some people were finishing off a section of raised stage, using pallets as a base which should have been covered with chipboard or ply imho. Whose idea was it to use 6mm hardboard?
I just got on and finished the pieces of scenery I had allocated myself. Someone had to make a decision. I did not get grumpy when I was interrupted every 5 mins to drill a hole. Why did no one else think to bring drill bits, screws, hinges for the door they were hanging and spare wood?
By 2pm, the scheduled time for the Tech rehearsal, the set looked reasonably ok, some paint was even dry. The lighting man drifted in. He has 2 speeds, dead stop and slightly slower. Every 20 mins or so, members of the cast who were hanging round were asked to take up positions.
At about 6.45 the sound man turned up. Radio mikes were handed out.
At 6.55 the lighting man, who had sat on his scrawny arse most of the afternoon decides he wants to hang 3 more lights on the stage.
At 7pm, the full dress rehearsal was supposed to start.
So light man has a ladder on the stage, one leg of which holes the hardboard. He covers it with masking tape. He finally clears the stage with only 1 of the 3 new lights working at 7.30.
The mikes do not work. But we start anyway. We are told the sound man will sort it as we go.
3rd song in (for it is a musical - well we are gay), Ian has problems putting on a prop. He was trying to do it in virtual pitch black. It was tricky anyway. It turns out some wanker has decided he could "improve" it, without telling anyone. The 5 second window of music to don the prop extends to at least 2 mins. When Ian finally gets on stage quite flustered, the music director throws a hissy fit, saying it looks crap and berating Ian for taking so long. His opening line, "Do you know what you look like?" Was met with Ian's reasonable response of "No, it's pitched black off stage, there are no mirrors anyway." (and he did not have his glasses on anyway.). Did not seem to help.
Other props are missing completely, but we stumble through to the interval. Literally, Ian put a foot right thru the raised staging. The "hole" where the ladder had gone thru, under the hardboard was in fact 25cm wide and 1 metre long void. Which twat built it like that? Ian, or any other cast member could have easily twisted or broken an ankle.
In the interval, I hastily find a bit of chipboard and cover the whole void and tape it into place with gaffer tape. It looked shit. The director said it looked shit. It was a trip hazard, but better a trip rather than a broken ankle. The cast could clearly see it was there. They could not see the hidden void.
Most of Act 2 went off OK. No trips.
The final scene calls for most of us to be dressed as plants. Are there costumes for everyone? Of course not! I am supposed to be wearing a "long" Tee shirt and green leggings. We had previously protested as us boys were concerned we would get accused of buddgie smuggling. We were assured the Tee Shirts extended well below "that" line and no one could see thru leggings. Well my T barely went past my waist. 80 denier tights made it pretty obvious I was cut and dressed to the left and had uneven balls. So with 2 days to go before the first night, 8 pairs of matching shorts in various sizes must be acquired.
So at the end there are many cross people. Many prima donnas waltz off. It is way too late. An extension had been built at the front of the stage, on the understanding it could be left in place until after the show. The hall is used by others in the day, so must be tidied up. There had previously been complaints about us, so the chair of the hall committee turns up, to check. "You cannot leave the stage extension there. The indoor bowls group bowl that way!" The stage extension has handles. But someone has dressed it with yet more hardboard so the handles are buried.
Leaving others fighting a war they would not win, I find a way under the extension to release the clips that hold it in place and lets it come apart to 3 sections, so it can be moved. Whilst grovelling around in near darkness, my mobile rings. Yet another "unknown" number. I get lots of those. No voice on the other end, as usual. But I spot a text has arrived from my sister.
Having escaped the cavern, I read the text to discover my aunt has died. The last of my parents generation. We were not close, but you still get a lump in your throat.
I try and chivvy everyone up. Rather more forcefully than normal. Ian realises something is wrong and on being told the news trys to drag me off home. Rosie, however reminds me that I had promised to take some bin liners of rubbish home. Rosie is not "all there", but has a heart of gold. I grab 2 full bin liners. "No she says, those are the ones Donald is taking." She goes off to find the bags she had decided we should take. People start fussing round us, they are trying to be nice but...
On arrival home my nose and sinuses decide that they also want to fuck my life up, and start streaming. No sleep last night. It hurts every time I move my head.
So I have a day off sick. Ian tells me I am not allowed to do anything for the show. I am not allowed to do any work. Easier said than done when you work from home and the emails and phone calls on you personal cases still flow in, relentlessly.
If anyone has read this far you get a prize. |
