Am I weird for not wanting to go out? Pubs, Clubs?

bazzartFri 07/03/08 17:22

OK, been on OUT everywhere for a few weeks now and it's been fun, chatted to some great people and made a couple of friends, so I'm really happy (and surprised!!) with the way it's turning out on OUT! :-)

One thing I keep noticing on people's profiles and "Shout Outs!" and "Today I am's..." is people getting out to/looking forward to going to clubs, pubs, bars etc, going out "for a pint!", etc. Plus in some conversations I've had online with OUT people in my local area, I often get asked
"Where do you drink!"
Which pubs do you go to!"
"Shall we meet up for a pint at..."
"You go to the Village, right!?"

I'm really thinking I must be a werido as the answer to all of the above is, well, "NO!"

I find pubs, clubs, bars etc very claustrophobic, LOUD, too busy (even the so-called quiet ones!) cliquey (some) intimidating, all in all the whole experience for me is unpleasant, anxiety-causing, stressful even thinking about doing and even more stressful having to go to places like that!!

This isn't a new thing for me, I've always felt like this ever since I can remember but kept trying, trying, being dragged out by mates often, left it, tried again and each and every time the same experience. Unpleasant, claustrophoboic, LOUD, somewhere I just cannot relax and just not me.

About 8 years ago, I decided enough was enough and choose to give up trying to enjoy something I knew I never could, but it seems such a big part, socially of most peoples lives that I have always felt like a misfit.

Nowadays, when I am asked out I am just honest with people and say I wouldn't enjoy the experience, would feel awkward, they would notice my unease and it would spoil their night out etc., and no matter how hard they may try my answer would be a definite NO!

So, is this experience unique to me or do other people have similar experiences? Is it a phobia? Is it Social Anxiety?

Also, many OUT events potentially interest me but there's the pub thing often involved or scene etc...

i went to my brothers' wedding a few years ago, and for the meal after but everyone knew (without having to ask) that I wouldn't be at the evening Disco/Party and while the rest of my family and brother's friends were there I was driving the 200 miles home - happily away from the noise, club and stressful situation.

To be honest whatever it is (or isn't) I can never see myself going to a pub/club/bar again and don't see this as a problem. If it's a phobia I'm not looking for a cure or therapy to fix it - as I see nothing as broken! What I do forsee as a potential problem is other peoples reaction to my feelings about this and would this put people off starting a friendship with me offline (in the real world!) as well as ONline?

I'd really value peoples opinions on this as it has been on my mind for a while. I just realy do feel like an odd-bod, weirdo, misfit, but there again happy in my choice as it's taken away all the stress I would suffer had I not made that choice many years ago.

Baz xx :-)

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spexFri 07/03/08 17:27

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I don't mind the odd few drinks with friends in a pub or whatever, but I have never enjoyed the noise and general hubbub of a pub, and certainly not a club. I don't know what it is, but it's something very few of my friends seem to appreciate (although they do understand).

I don't know if it's a phobia or social anxiety (I love going out for dinner, and don't mind sitting in a coffee shop for hours, for example, so I'm not sure it can be that). I have always just put it down to being me (as do most of my friends -- interesting you mention about your brother's wedding; I had the same at my brother's wedding two summers ago. I sat at a table in the restaurant part of the venue with other family and some friends as they passed by on their way to or from the bar/ dance floor!).

Is it just pubs and clubs etc or are you not a fan of places like coffee shops -- or is it also the scene? If you want to meet up with people (especially from OUT) you might like to try one or two of the Coffee Posse events (I've been to a couple, and they're quite good!)

devamaraFri 07/03/08 17:28

I think your choice does limit your options for socialising, and pubs are a big part of our culture. Are you weird? Not at all. I know several people who don't drink, and I hardly do anymore. Still plenty of places to go and things to do.