Letters to government agencies

waynewazFri 22/02/08 16:37

Well I found these funny

1. Dear Sirs, please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October

2. I am writing the Welfare Dept. to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay. I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can't do a thing until he knows.

8. I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.

9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.

11. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

12. My husband got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since.

13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

14. I have no children yet as my husband is a bus driver and works night and day.

15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

16. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn't done me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.

waynewazFri 22/02/08 16:39

And these are allegedly to Islington Council..

from 'letters to the council' (allegedly)
"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."

"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."

"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."

"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."

"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"

"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."

"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."

"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

"Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."

"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."

"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."

"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces."

"Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."

"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."

"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."

"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."

"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."

"Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."

"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."

"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."

"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."

deleted:devamaraFri 22/02/08 16:45

quoting > "And these are allegedly to Islington Council.."

quoting > ""I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much." "

which part of Islington does he live in?