Ave A Chav Chrimbo innit ;0)

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Topic started by Malcolm The Sock Cucker ;0) (ginluvva)

I'm Mal bf is Colin Together 27 years live in Shetland Looking for more friends Into dinner parties and board game evenings/weekends I am trying to raise funds to register my website www.as-assist.com as a charity. It's a self help group for Ankylosing Spondylitis sufferers. I would like to be a glowworm, a glowworms never glum, it`s hard to be downhearted when the sun shines out your bum.

A topic from Fun: Jokes

ginluvvaWed 19/12/07 20:31

Chav Nativity

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There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra! weez gonna get on the social an' that.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right' Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their 'eads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End. Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donk! ey' Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay .' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

ginluvvaWed 19/12/07 23:24

It was near Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the
prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's not an offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this
shopping?"

"A few hours before the store opened."

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