Darth Vader Tasered and Pepper Srayed in Florida

dazbarSat 07/01/12 00:46

BREAKING: Darth Vader Tasered and Pepper Sprayed in Florida
Posted on January 7, 2012

Everyone knows that Darth Vader loves to get his drink on occasionally. And who can really blame him? The poor guy suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and has major trust issues since his BEST FRIEND turned him into a quadruple amputee and severe burn victim. Plus he's an asthmatic widower who's estranged from his troublemaking kids and works in an incredibly high-pressure job co-ruling the Galaxy.

The other thing everyone in OUR galaxy knows is that you look the other way when the Dark Lord of the Sith is on a bender, because in the morning he will be back at work and his job consists of being an EVIL MAGICAL CYBORG KILLING MACHINE WHO FLIES AROUND IN A GIGANTIC SUPERLASER THAT CAN DESTROY YOUR PLANET IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO BREW A GOOD DARK ROAST COFFEE.

But apparently the Florida Police Department didn't get the memo, because early on Thursday morning, a Florida Highway Patrol Trooper (we assume this is some type of less awesome Stormtrooper?) TASERED AND PEPPER SPRAYED AN INTOXICATED DARTH VADER.

From ClickOrlando:
The trooper approached the masked man … and repeatedly asked him to get out of the road, the FHP said.  [Darth Vader] instead cursed at the trooper and laid in the roadway, authorities said. The trooper then told [Vader] to get up, but he attemtped to punch and kick the trooper, who deployed his Taser, according to the FHP.  Officials said [Vader]‘s thick jacket prevented the Taser from working, so the trooper used pepper spray to subdue him.

So, long story short, Darth Vader was minding his own business being drunk and lying down in the middle of a public road when a lowly Trooper asked him to move and then TASERED and PEPPER SPRAYED HIM.

On a list of 'Incredibly Stupid Things to Do Before You Die Because Your Planet Got Exploded By A Revenge-Fuelled Evil Cyborg Wizard', tasering and pepper spraying Darth Vader is up there at the top, just below 'Constantly horrendously altering Darth Vader's biographical film series to unwittingly make him seem more and more comical.'

And why? What did he ever do to you? Do we REALLY live in a world now where our personal freedoms have been so eroded that a known mass-murderer can't get ridiculously drunk, belligerent and abusive in the middle of a public road without being hassled by police? IT'S BECAUSE HE WEARS ALL BLACK, ISN'T IT?

This is just another example of police brutality and discrimination against a poor person who made good. Your government just can't handle the fact that despite being born a fatherless slave on a backwater desert planet who people insisted on calling 'Annie' for some reason despite the fact that he's a FRIGGING GUY, he grew up to become one of the most famous and powerful people in history. Don't be fooled by the rocks he blew up, he's still, he's still, he's still Annie from the block. No wonder the 99% are rising up all across your planet.

People of Earth, we looked the other way when you turned Twilight into a horrible movie series. We've happily ignored your plan to make yourselves increasingly stupid by feeding your brains on a diet of Jersey Shore and Horrible Housewives of Someplace You Don't Care About. We've even (against our better judgement) very kindly given you repeated warnings about the evils of Justin Bieber. But this unchecked aggression will not stand.

You WILL be hearing from Darth Vader's lawyer. And by 'lawyer' we of course mean 'giant laser'. Expect us in 2012.

If you're as outraged by this as we are, please feel free to use the hashtag: #OccupyEarthWithAGiantLaserBeam

http://deathstarpr.com/2012/01/breaking-darth-vader-tasered-and-pepper-sprayed-in-florida/

#13833Sat 07/01/12 09:23

from the website mentioned above
"Sure the Death Star is a Giant super laser that can blow up planets, but over 1000,000 employers just like to call it home. welcome to the Death Star's public relations division "