a strange old man

hughlieThu 03/11/11 14:49

Even though this man is residing in MY house, he may at some time appear in yours.
Be alert!
A very weird thing has happened. A strange middle aged old man has moved into my house. I have no idea who he is, where he came from, or how he got in. I certainly did not invite him.
All I know is that one day he wasn't there, and the next day he was! He is a clever old man and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of him, and whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there he is hogging
the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude!
I have tried screaming at him, but he just screams back. The least he could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no.
Every once in a while, I find a £5 note stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion,
but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think he is also stealing money from me. I go to the cash machine and withdraw £100, and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old man is pilfering from me. You'd think he would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.
Money isn't the only thing I think he is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too - especially the good stuff like ice cream, biscuits, and chocolate bars. He must have a really sweet tooth, but he'd better watch it, because he is really packing on the pounds. I suspect he realizes this, and to make himself feel better, he is tampering with my scales to make me think I am putting on weight, too.
For an old man, he is quite childish. He likes to play nasty games, like going into my wardrobes when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. He also messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized. He has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. He gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it, and he has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers. He has done other things -- like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and taps harder to turn. He even made
my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, he has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the
lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. He has taken the fun out of shopping
for clothes. When I try something on, he stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. He looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, he keeps me from seeing how great they look on me. Just when I thought he couldn't get any meaner, he proved me wrong. He came along when I went to get my picture taken for my passport, and just as the camera shutter clicked, he jumped in front of me!
I hope he never finds out where YOU live, or maybe it's too late and he is stalking you too!!