How do I change my life for the better?

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A topic from Body, Health & Wellbeing: I'm Feeling Ill :(

#90232Tue 15/07/08 22:35

If it weren't for my cats, I don't know if I could continue life. I don't wish to die and I'd be most unlikely to commit suicide but the fact is that I'm dissatisfied and unhappy with my life in a big way. I have always had the same problems: they were noticed early in my life. While going through my late father's things I found some old school reports for me and my sister. I would like to quote from some.

When I went to school in the US, this is what my fifth grade teacher wrote: "As we discussed, Charles is able to handle his academic work well, but he exhibits behavior that greatly impedes his ability to deal with his peers. He is often preoccupied and seems unaware of what is going on around him."

In chronological order, a report from a boarding school housemaster: "Charles is very mature in many respects, particularly his interest in current affairs. He has found himself at variance with other boys in his general attitude, but has largely gained their respect for his independence. He is always polite and co-operative." And from my biology teacher: "Fair progress, a never ending source of sensible questions. Seems unable to organise himself sufficiently well."

And from a letter to my father from a third school: "Socially Charles appears quite happy; he mixes freely and joins in our games competitions."

I feel that these reports and my current difficulties have a lot in common. I have always had a personality that is unique in a way that makes me hard to meld with other people. My question is simple, how could the second and third schools have read me so wrong? Was I that good at hiding my true feelings? At the second school I felt very bullied by other boys and I really didn't feel that my independence was respected. But maybe it was my impression that was wrong.

At the third school I was happier, there was no doubt. However, I felt alone and adrift. I felt that I was an island of individuality and I was unhappy with my existence. The problem is that I feel that the same problems bug me today. How can I live a normal life with such an unusual personality?

I am really very unhappy in my work. I cannot continue in the job much longer. I know it and my employer knows it but I'm terrified of unemployment. I couldn't cope emotionally or financially. I could imagine that it might drive me to suicide. I need an unusual work type, a single subject complex project. At such a thing, I'm sure that I'd excel.

I have an array of mild disabilities, none of which would cause a problem individually. Together, all these amount to a problem with which I cannot cope.

Please advise and help me. I don't know who to ask but I find this site most helpful with this type of problem.

#202651Tue 15/07/08 22:55

Well for a start you should stop letting a bunch of old school reports rule your life.

Focus on the here and now - such as starting to look for a new job.

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