Dear Bank of England

paul_alexanderTue 22/04/08 12:05

Dear Bank of England

Over the past few years I have been spending vast amounts of money buying lots of junk that I don't really need. I have been entirely irresponsible and have maxed out as many credit cards as I could get my grubby little hands on. The problem is that I have now run out of credit, so although the good times were good, I am now starting to feel the pinch. I do not want to downgrade to a less powerful sports-car. Nor do I want to quaff a less aspirational brand of champers. In short, I have a liquidity crisis.

I hadn't previously been aware that it was the Bank of Englands job to bail out greedy, over-paid, frivolous tosspots, but all I seem to read in the press now is about how the BoE is printing money at one hell of a rate, to make sure that the irresponsible bankers that created the problem do not have to pay for their greed. I'm not sure whether the motivation is to help the wealthy bankers or just to save the skins of the politicians that have been quietly allowing the era of excessively easy credit to continue unabated for their own reasons of greed. I can't imagine that it is the latter, given how amazingly independent the BoE is, but hey - why should I care? I think that devaluing the pound - effectively stealing money from prudent savers to pay the most irresponsible people - is an idea of absolute genius!

To this end I would be very grateful if you could forward me a minimum sum of £545,000 - (actually best make it Euros. The GBP will be worth less than donkey shit soon.) - so that I might carry on enjoying life at everyone else's expense.

Yours Sincerely

Mr Bradford Barclay Lloyd (HSBc)

(PS: Cannot take credit for all of the above - and do not find the premise entirely correct, but it is close to the truth and funny all the same)

booshankTue 22/04/08 12:07

Hehe, funny!

kenafridTue 22/04/08 12:07

It would be nice, just this once, if the Bank just cut out the middleman, as it does work out at about £800 for every inhabitant of the UK.

I'm about 10 minutes walk and could pick my share up quite easily.

chrisalawTue 22/04/08 12:14

You know, I was thinking something similar to this while I was in the shower last night.

If we get into trouble the banks take everything we have, banks get into trouble, the Government bails them out!

Suppose that's capitalism for you!

kenafridTue 22/04/08 12:15

Actually, let's just divide the £50bn between all the taxpayers.

Kids have too much nowadays anyway.

;)

paul_alexanderTue 22/04/08 12:18

Apparrently 50Billion is just the start - to be fair I was reading on another well informed site that - the government was shitting itself because even though the amount of money aviable to lend for business loans and mortgages has falled by nearly on half since August 07 this contraction was continuning with no end in sight. The effect of this would have been disasterous. And this is no sop mearly a band aid on a gaping wound. House prices will still fall and we will all all end up paying for it.

I wish there was a way in which the government could sequester all of the Bankers' and traders' bonuses from the past 5 years.